A parent’s journey: Letting go as your young person heads to university

Melanie Symonds’ daughter, Maddie is a current Essex student, studying BA International Relations in the Department of Government. We spoke to Melanie about her experience as a parent experiencing their young person moving out for the first time and embarking upon life at university.

Did you have any fears about your young person settling into university?

“Yes of course! As a parent, so many things were rushing through my mind. I was worrying about how Maddie would cope living alone, after living in a house filled with people her whole life, I was anxious about how she would deal with independence and responsibilities, and most of all, her homesickness. However, these worries soon went away. After I saw how involved she was getting with the university, attending events such as freshers fair and freshers week, I saw her stepping out of her comfort zone and making so many new friends, and this made me so happy”

What advice would you give to other parents watching their children leave to go to university?

“My advice would be to trust the process and have faith in your sons and daughters. Trust that they will make the right decisions; this is a big part of them discovering themselves and navigating their way through life. It’s normal to be worried and anxious, what helped us was scheduling a Facetime for every Sunday, where we could talk about our weeks and catch up. I made sure not to overload Maddie with messages and questions, and this helped build trust between us both, which massively lowered my worries”

What was one of the best things that came from Maddie going to university?

“When Maddie came home for the first time after a few months at university, I was delighted to see how much she had matured and blossomed into a young woman. Things that would have phased her before, such as multiple deadlines and essays, now she was calm, collected and organised. It was also amazing to see how many friends she had made and all of the societies she was part of, knowing she had a new support network really made me happy”

As a parent, what did you do to help settle your nerves when your daughter first went to university?

“After we dropped her off at her new accommodation, the drive home was very difficult, and the following week was also really hard. To settle my nerves I made it very clear to Maddie that she could contact me whenever she wanted, no matter the time. Knowing she understood this made me feel a lot better. It also helped me to talk to other parents whose children were also in university, some family and friends were in the same position as me and talking to them gave me so much reassurance”

Do you have any other things you would like to tell parents who find themselves in this position?

“I’ll be honest, it’s never easy watching one of your children leave home, but to all of the parents out there, although that feeling never fully goes away, it gets much easier and slowly fades over time! Now, whenever she goes back to university it’s not a sad goodbye, more of a ‘continue to have a great time’ goodbye. Also, now when Maddie comes from university for Christmas, Easter and summer, we are all a lot more appreciative and value our time together more.”

Melanie (L) and Maddie (R) Symonds