Online Romance Fraud Toolkit (ORF)

Maria moved back to the UK after a number of years living abroad. Her marriage had ended and she had elderly parents back home who needed care and support. After a couple of very busy years working and caring for her parents, a friend suggested that it was time she do something for herself and try online dating. She went on a few dates but didn’t find anyone whom she clicked with. Then she matched with a guy online, John. He seemed perfect for her. Maria is a very friendly chatty person and she wanted to meet someone similar. John was charming in their chats. She also loved children and John was a widower with a teenage daughter. He looked handsome in his profile photo.

John told her that he was a builder and lived nearby but that he had to go to Africa to help build a school. He reassured her that they would meet in person when he got back. Their online conversations continued. Whenever they spoke online, he would say that his computer camera was broken. Then he told her that he was unable to get back to the UK just yet because his employer hadn’t released his salary. Soon after that, he mentioned that his daughter’s birthday was coming up but he couldn’t buy her anything because of the situation with his salary. He had told Maria that his daughter loved music. Maria also loved music. So then she offered to buy an ipod for his daughter. She had it engraved on the back and sent to Africa. After that, requests for money started coming in. He would say things like ‘I can’t come home yet but if you could send me £100 I could pay this person off’. Each time he asked for money, the amount increased.

At one point, Maria got a bit suspicious. She asked to speak to his daughter and a young girl came on the phone, and they chatted for a while. John told her that he was flying back to the UK on Valentine’s Day. Maria took the day off work to meet him at the airport, but he didn’t show. He said he had been too embarrassed to explain to her that he still couldn’t afford to.

Around this time, a friend told Maria that she had seen a programme on tv about online romance fraud and that she thought this guy might not be real. Maria was very offended. She felt that she was a woman of the world who had lived abroad and wouldn’t be deceived in this way. But she decided to ask John to send her a copy of his passport, so that she could prove he was real. Eventually, he sent a passport photo that showed the man whose photo she had seen online. But the name at the bottom of the photo was different to the one that was shown elsewhere on the passport page. She realised that she was a victim of online romance fraud.

Accepting that she had been victimise was difficult for Maria. She had invested a lot of time and energy in this relationship. Her conversations with John had become a part of her daily life. She had also shared intimate photos with him. Knowing that he was not the person she thought he was made her feel humiliated and embarrassed.

When Maria looked back at the relationship, she recognised that she was very vulnerable at the time she met John. She had just gone through a difficult divorce and had taken on significant care responsibilities for her parents. She needed someone who was invested in her at that point in her life. The experience of online romance fraud left her feeling suicidal. She says that the only thing that stopped her from harming herself was her care responsibilities for her parents. Eventually, she confided in her mother and her best friend. Luckily, they were both kind and understanding. She felt that they didn’t judge her and this was an important part of her healing process.

Over time, Maria recovered her self-confidence and self-belief. Making time for physical fitness, which was a passion of hers, helped with this, as did the loving support of her mother and her best friend. After a few years, she met the man who is now her husband, via another dating app. But this time around, if someone didn’t agree to meet in person quickly, she stopped corresponding with them. She knew not to provide any money to anyone. When she confided in her husband about her experience of online romance fraud, he was kind and understanding. She realised that the experience had left her with trust issues. But over time she was able to have a supportive and loving relationship again.

Jennifer was 27 and her six year relationship ended just before the pandemic began. She had to move out of the home she shared with her ex-partner and move in with her mother, stepfather and younger brother. This was difficult and she argued with her stepfather a lot. She managed to get a small flat for herself. But then her mother’s marriage ended after her stepfather was abusive and violent, and her mother and brother moved in with her. Now, Jennifer and her family were living in a small two bedroom flat and her mother and brother were also arguing frequently. Jennifer felt very low and stressed about the end of her long-term relationship and her family situation.

Eventually, Jennifer decided to try dating again and joined a dating app. She met a guy called James who was very chatty and friendly. Many of the messages she got from other guys on the app quickly became very sexualised, but James was very respectful. His gentlemanly behaviour captured her interest. They soon switched from chatting on the dating app to WhatsApp. She looked forward to hearing from him and felt excited whenever he messaged her. James soon told her about a site where you could invest cryptocurrency and make money on it. When he first sent her screenshots of the site, she was very suspicious. But he kept on bringing it up. She gradually started to trust him more as they continued chatting online. He often complimented her and made her feel good about herself. When he started sharing screenshots of his investments increasing, she decided to invest £500. Soon she saw the amount go up. Then, as a precaution she withdrew her investment, plus the profit, from the account. This happened without any problem. That’s when she really believed that this was a genuine investment with a high return rate. She soon reinvested this money back into the scheme. James also promised that he would meet up with her in person soon.

Jennifer quickly began investing more and more money. But when she tried to withdraw her money a second time, she was told that she needed to pay tax first. She told James that she was out of money and he suddenly disappeared, ghosting her completely. Then she started receiving threatening letters from the site saying that they would sue her if she didn’t pay the tax. She started to feel really scared and anxious, so she confided in a friend who was an accountant. He explained that this was a scam. She reported the experience to the police. Her family were supportive and understanding when she confided in them, but one friend was very judgmental and made her feel worse. She hasn’t told anyone else and worries that people would judge her if they knew.

The experience made Jennifer a lot more guarded about trusting people. However in time, she began dating again and met her current partner via another dating app. She only corresponded with people who agreed to meet quickly. Finding videos of people on social media who shared her experience made her feel less alone and helped her realise that online romance fraud is something that happens to many people.

Richard was in his seventies and had been widowed a few years earlier after a long and happy marriage. During the pandemic, he decided to sign up to a dating app. He got chatting to a woman, Heather, who said that she was a hairdresser. They developed a romantic relationship online, which was a positive source of connection in his life during the pandemic. Heather sent him lots of photos of herself. She soon confided that she was having some financial problems. Then she said that she needed someone to redecorate her salon. Richard paid for the cost of this, which was several hundred pounds. Heather convinced him that he was becoming a part owner of the hair salon. Richard was also in contact with someone whom Heather presented as her solicitor, which helped convince him that this was all above board. In fact, the ‘solicitor’ was part of the scam.

Over time, Heather’s demands escalated and eventually he paid out over eighty thousand pounds, all of which he thought was being invested directly into Heather’s business. Eventually, she told him that her solicitor had run off with the money and that she needed more money to hire another solicitor to find him. Richard began to feel that something wasn’t right because she always had an excuse for not meeting in person. He approached his financial advisor, who immediately suspected online romance fraud. When Richard confronted Heather, she sent very angry and abusive messages.

Although Richard’s financial advisor and staff at the bank were very sympathetic, he experienced some ridicule and disrespect from neighbours who found out about his situation. This was difficult for him but he found comfort from friends who were supportive. Their belief in him made helped him to regain trust in people. He also felt that this was a situation that many people could find themselves in, given the right circumstances.